This is an all points bulletin. My finger puppets, last seen above in front of Cinderella's Castle in Orlando Florida, are AWOL.
Somewhere in the Magic Kingdom, I left them, careless mother that I am. And not the first time either. Once, years ago, I lost a human child in Disney World. Every staff member within a 2-mile radius sprang into action and George was found quicker than you could say bob's your uncle.
Not quite that reaction from the staff this time.
This is a huge issue for me but maybe you're with the staff on this one. Do you care? Have you ever cared? Have you just tolerated these puppets this whole time and now you're secretly relieved?
Who has them? What are they doing? Is this like Ratatouille?
It's my own fault.
Oh the irony too, since I'm always haranguing my human children to be mindful when traveling with their finger puppets. The Atticus finger puppet got rather dirty visiting an elephant sanctuary in Kenya and was once very nearly stolen from a hotel room in Bogota.
God knows how the Walter finger puppet has survived life in a yurt.
Then there's the Nick and Jane finger puppets who traveled last summer through Sweden and Latvia and never made it out of the suitcase, poor sheltered things.
At least the Gary, Mithra, and George finger puppet lived life like a volcano in their last moments. Watch the video below and you'll see the helluva good time everyone had together in Disney World before being carelessly abandoned.
I comfort myself knowing they're in the perfect place. Keep your eyes open the next time you're visiting Disney World. Bet you'll see the George finger puppet joining the hula dancers in It's a Small World. The Gary finger puppet will be hanging around the Hall of Presidents, smoking cigars with the wax U.S. Grant and talking NBA smack with the wax Obama. We all know where the Mithra finger puppet is lurking, don't we. The HAUNTED MANSION OF COURSE!
So we left Orlando without the finger puppets. Did I mention I lost my wallet too? The TSA at the airport was almost as upset at my lack of ID as I was about my missing family. Have you ever tried flying without a driver's license or even a credit card? I answered questions about property registered in my name, had my luggage thoroughly examined, and my body thoroughly patted down. In the end, the TSA and their millimeter wave scanner determined that despite my being born in a sh*%hole country, I could fly without documents.
Now I'm home awaiting a call from Disney Lost and Found. Please God, I won't complain about people buying art at big box stores anymore. Just let my puppets be okay.
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